Late Night Beverage
by Laid-Back Brit
Summary: Unable to sleep due to a dry throat, Cartman decides to get a drink from the refrigerator - where he helps himself to a certain drink which makes him so happy, despite the fact he is not legally old enough to consume... One-shot.


**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park.**

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It was very late into the night. The moon was looking up in the sky, shimmering down over South Park. Its luminous glow lit up the pure white snow and beamed down towards the houses. Not a single of them had their lights turned on, for every one who lived in the little mountain town of unusual happenings was fast asleep.

Except one person...

"Ugh! Dude! Mah throat is so dry! Lame!"

Eric Cartman was sat up in his bed, wide awake. Normally he was be in a peaceful sleep after the huge unhealthy supper he had eaten hours ago, but he was regretting having no drink with his meal, which was now taking it's toil on him.

"Mooooom!" Cartman called. "I need a drink! Get me a glass of water!"

There was no answer from his mother's bedroom.

"_Moooooooom!_" Cartman called louder in case Liane didn't hear him. "_I'm_ _thiiiiirssssstyyyyy!_"

There was still no reply. There wasn't even the sound of Liane's footsteps, meaning she was not leaving her room to go downstairs to the kitchen.

"_MOOOOOOOOOM!_" Cartman was getting angry as he yelled at the top of his lungs. "_THIIIIIRSSSSSTYYYYY!_"

The boy frowned as he remained sat upright, listening irritably for his mother's voice answering to his demands - only to be met with complete silence.

"Goddamnit!" Cartman threw the covers off of himself and hopped out of his bed. "I'm gonna have to get my own drink, 'cuz that stupid bitch I call my mom is to lazy to get me one!"

The small boy angrily left his room and made his way through the pitch dark house. He paced down the stairs and walked into the kitchen, coming to a stop before the refrigerator.

"Now let's see, there's gotta be some orange soda in there. Mom was too stupid to remember to pour me some at supper, so there should be plenty here."

Cartman pulled open the refrigerator door. Bright light escaped the fridge to fill the dark kitchen. He peered confidently inside in search of a refreshing ice cold drink to liquidate his dry throat - then...

"_GODDAMNIT!_" Cartman'a angry voice filled the whole kitchen. "There ain't no orange soda here! What kinda mom do I have who knows when there's no soda here, but doesn't go to the store to get some?! What does she expect me to drink?! Water from the faucet?!"

Not considering for a moment that the only reason there was no soda was because he had drank it all earlier, Cartman grabbed hold of the nearest can. He pulled it out of the fridge, not bothering to check what it was labelled of as he clicked it open.

"Oh well, if I can't have any soda, I may as well drink what we have here."

Cartman held the fan to his lips and poured the liquid into his mouth. He made some heavy filling noise as he swallowed the beverage - before his eyes suddenly widened at it's incredible taste.

"Wow!" Cartman exclaimed, pulling the can away from his mouth, which was gaping in wonder. "What is this stuff?!"

He got his answer as he held the can upright. The light from the refrigerator allowed him to read the five words written on it.

**KING-SIZED AMERICAN GOLDEN BEER**

"Beer?!" Cartman exclaimed, his eyes filling with disbelief over what he was drinking - before a smile crossed his face. "This is awesome beer!"

The boy quickly emptied the remains of the drink from the can down his throat. After swallowing down the last amount of beer, he squeezed the can in his hand, crunching it up before throwing it to one side. As it hit the floor with a loud clanging sound, Cartman reached desperately into the fridge.

"I gotta have another beer! Now!"

He spotted where he had found his new favourite drink, which was a pack of cans all sealed together on the bottom shelf of the fridge. He pulled out a second one and clicked it open, not wasting a second to take a sip. A loud sound of content escaped the small boy. He had never consumed anything to delicious. It was dragging him down into a blissful state of ecstasy. Never had a drink made him feel so wonderful.

It took Cartman less than a minute to guzzle the entire contents of his second can of beer. Once empty, he threw it onto the door, just let his Did with the first one. His eyes were half-lidded as he smiled gleefully. He was enjoying his drinks new favourite drink very much...

So much so, he didn't take any notice of the growling sound coming from his stomach; a warning sign that his little digestive system couldn't handle the alcohol he was filling it with.

"Must...have...more...beer..."

Cartman's arm seemed to be moving more slowly as he reached for his third can of beer. He didn't realise what was happening to him as he helped himself from the large pack in the fridge. He clicked the can open and started to drink, unable to get enough of this uplifting beverage - and in too much bliss to feel the aches forming inside his stomach.

As Cartman was enjoying his drink, a tiny shape walked into the kitchen and towards where he stood in the light from the refrigerator to gaze up at him.

It was his pet cat, Mr Kitty.

"Meow!"

"No, Kitty!" Cartman frowned. "This is _mah_ can of beer!"

"Meow!"

"No, Kitty!" Cartman yelled, his voice raising. "That's a bad kitty!"

"Meow!"

"_NO, KITTY, THIS IS MAH CAN OF BEER-_"

Cartman's screaming and ranting was suddenly cut off as he suddenly pressed a hand to his mouth with a croak. His cheeks bulged as his eyes went wide. Dropping the can, he pressed his other hand to his mouth, trying to keep it shut...

...and failing terribly as he threw up all over Mr Kitty. "BLEUCH!"

"_MEOW!_"

Mr Kitty scampered out of the kitchen, stinking to the high heavens of the vomit she was covered in. For a moment, Cartman stoke where he was with a dazed expression. His mouth was hanging open and his eyes were glazed as he struggled to stay on his feed, standing unbalanced over the smelly brown puddle he had made before him.

"Must...drink...more...beer..." he murmured. "Beer...so...good..."

With a shaking hand, Cartman took with much difficulty yet another can from the fridge. He clicked it open and started to drink from it - this time taking only a few mouthfuls before lowering the can from his lips.

"Mmm..." He gave a drunken smile towards his new favourite drink. "I...love...beer..."

With that, the can slipped from his hand and landed on the kitchen floor, spilling its contents to the floor. Cartman stumbled forward to collapse onto his front, unable to get up as he passed out in the puddle of his own puke.

All was quiet in the Cartman household the following morning. The sun shone bright through the windows to light up al the rooms. The clock was just striking ten when the front door opened.

"Eric! I'm home! Are you up yet, Sweetie? I bought plenty of soda and cheesy poofs for you!"

Liane closed the door behind her before walking through the house, carrying the carrier bags filled with groceries she had spent all night picking up from the South Park mall. She entered the kitchen to put her shopping away...

...and ended up dropping all of her bags onto the floor as she let out a gasp over what she saw.

"_ERIC!_"

Her young son was laying face-down in front of the refrigerator, completely immobile surrounded by door empty beer cans. Liane raced over to him and turned him over. Her face went white with shock as her heart raced when she saw his eyes were closed.

"Eric!" Liane cried desperately, trying hard to shake her son awake. "Eric, speak to me!"

For a moment, nothing came out of the boy except silence - until it was suddenly broken by a heavy groan as Cartman slowly opened his eyes.

"Ohhhhhh..." The boy moaned in pain. "My friggin' head hurts! Weak!"

"Eric! You're alright!"

Extremely relieved that her son had managed to regain consciousness, Liane hugged him closely - before pulling away abruptly with a repulsed look on her face, realising he smelled badly of alcohol and vomit.

"What have you been up to, young man?!"

"Oh, you were out shopping last night, Mom?" Cartman turned weakly towards the shopping bags that his mother had dropped onto the floor, a small smile forming onto his face. "I hope you brought me plenty of beer..."

"_BEER?!_ You've been drinking beer?!" Liane's horrified tone echoed around the kitchen as her eyes went wide over bearing what her son had been up to the night before. "Oh, Eric, how could a sweet little boy such as you do this to yourself?!"

"Mom..." Eric averted his gaze back up towards his mother, his eyes glazed as he continued to wear his small smile. "Ahm an alcoholic..."

Then he belched loudly into his mother's face.

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**The end.**


End file.
